COACHELL NO NIGGA

ITS ABOUT TO GO DOWN B

YO WHITE PEOPLE ARE LOSIN THEY MINDS BECAUSE COACHELLA (WHICH IM TOLD IS A MUSIC FESTIVAL) IS ABOUT TO SELL OUT OR SOLD OUT OR WHATEVER. SO WHILE MINORITIES IS SHOOTIN THEYSELVES OVER JORDANS THAT SOME AMPUTEE CAMBODIAN ORPHAN MADE IN A SNEAKER FACTORY DEATH CAMP, WHITE PEOPLE BOUT TO START KILLIN EACHOTHER WITH POISONOUS TEA LEAVES OR SOME SHIT...IDK IF YALL KNOW THIS BUT WHITE PEOPLE ARE TOTALLY AGAINST GUNS, REAL WHITE PEOPLE, NOT WHITE TRASH. WHITE TRASH LOVE GUNS AND ALSO RACE CARS. (THE ONES THAT LOOK LIKE REGULAR CARS NOT THE SHITS THAT LOOK LIKE LITTLE CORNY TOYS THAT SOME GUY WHO WANTS TO BE JAPANESE MADE UP)

YO THIS IS THE COACHELLA LINEUP B.

THE SHIT IS LIKE A WHITE GUYS IPOD WHERE HE HAS WILD MISOGYNISTIC RAP SPRINKLED IN WITH SHIT LIKE "ARCTIC MONKEYS" AND "GODSPEED YOU! BLACK EMPEROR" WHICH I BOTH HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK THEY ARE OR SOUND LIKE. BUT I DON'T LIKE BANDS THAT HAVE A STUPID FUCKIN NAME THAT HAS A PUNCTUATION MARK IN IT B. LIKE YOU JUST PUTTIN YOUR FANS IN A POSITION TO LOOK LIKE DICKHEADS WHENEVER PEOPLE ASK THEM WHAT THEY FAVORITE BANDS IS. LIKE IF I ASK A WHITE NIGGA WHAT HIS FAVORITE BANDS ARE AND HE'S LIKE

"AWW DUDE, FUCKIN LIKE...THE BEATLES! DUH RIGHT! HAHA! LIKE OBVIOUSLY THE BEATLES...UMM, JOHNNY CASH LIKE ALL HIS OLD STUFF, 2PAC *DOES W WITH FINGERS* WESTSIIIIIDE! HAHAHA! RIGHT? WESTSIIIIDE! AND DUDE MY ALL TIME TOTAL FAV IS "GODSPEED YOU! BLACK EMPEROR"

THEN I SMACK YOUR FACE OFF BECAUSE YOUR SMACKABILITY LEVELS WAS PEAKING AND THEN YOU MENTIONED A BAND NAME WITH A PUNCTUATION MARK AND YOU HIT 100% SMACKABILITY.

ANYWAY, THIS SHIT IS LIKE THE ILLEST DISPLAY OF CAUCASITY CUZ NIGGAS BE LIKE "OH MAN COACHELLA IS SO AWESOME BECAUSE LIKE, I HAVE SUCH AN ECLECTIC TASTE IN MUSIC AND LIKE I'M SO CULTURED AND I TOTALLY KNOW ABOUT JIMMY CLIFF" THEN THEY ACT LIKE THEY'RE REAL SUPER HYPE BECAUSE SOME BANDS REUNITED OR WHATEVER THE FUCK. "OH DUDE I'M SO FUCKING STOKED TO HEAR "ONE ARMED SCISSOR PERFORMED BY THE ORIGINAL AT THE DRIVE IN LINEUP DUDE! EVEN THOUGH MY BROTHER CAN PLAY THE GUITAR AND SOUND EXACTLY LIKE JIM WARD DUDE IT'S NOT THE SAME MAN LIKE THE FUCKING INTENSITY IS GONNA BE SO INTENSE AND FUCKING GNAR DUDE, TOTALLY AMAZEBALLS"

YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE GONNA FLOOD INSTAGRAM WITH PICTURES OF THOM YORKE DOING HIS LITTLE "BABY PEEING ON HISSELF AND ALSO BEING ATTACKED BY BEES" DANCE? LIKE OD,000,000 B. AND OUT OF THAT OD,000,000 80% ARE GONNA JUST WRITE "AMAZEBALLS" AS THE CAPTION MY NIGGA. AND I'M GONNA HATE LIFE AND KILL SOMEBODY THAT DON'T DESERVE TO DIE.

MUSIC FESTIVALS IS BELOVED BY CAUCASIANS B. BUT DIFFERENT SPECIES OF CAUCASIANS GO TO DIFFERENT FESTIVALS MY G SO LEMME PUT YOU ON. SO YOU DON'T GO TO LOLLAPALOOZA EXPECTING TO MEET AND INTERCOURSE WITH A GIRL WITH GLASSES AND "TRADITIONAL AMERICAN" TATTOOS (IE: ED HARDY LOOKING SHIT)



LOLLAPALOOZA: THIS SHIT IS FOR NIGGAS THAT WOULD PAY TO SEE GUY FIERI MAKE A BACON WRAPPED CHICKEN WING STUFFED INSIDE A TRIPLE CHEESE SAUCE HAMBURGER LIVE B. THIS SHIT IS FOR NIGGAS WITH FROSTED TIPS B. IF YOU HAVE HAIR COLORS IN YOUR HAIR THATS NOT YOUR ACTUAL HAIR COLOR AND ALSO YOU HAVE A 311 TATTOO, THIS IS YOUR SHIT B. IF YOU'RE LOOKIN FOR BITCHES THAT WEAR SKATE SHOES AND BACKWARDS TRUCKER HATS AND SMELL LIKE HOT YOGURT AND DORITOS, YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE MY NIGGA BECAUSE THEY FINNA BE EVERYWHERE IN THIS BITCH. I THINK THEY HAVE AN ADULT SIZE BOUNCY CASTLE AT THIS SHIT AND THEY GOT A BOOTH WHERE THE NIGGA FROM SMASHMOUTH WILL JERK YOU OFF TO "HEY NOW YOU'RE AN ALLSTAR" FOR $50 (OR A FEW GRAMS OF METH).



BONNAROO: YO IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT A MUSICAL LINEUP CREATED BY A "COOL DAD" THAT WORKS IN AN OFFICE FOR LIKE AN ASPIRIN COMPANY OR SOME SHIT WOULD LOOK LIKE, THIS IS IT B. THIS SHIT IS FOR NIGGAS WHO WEAR BEANIES IN THE SUMMER B. IF YOU'RE A WHITE NIGGA THAT DRESSES LIKE A PERUVIAN LLAMA SHEPHERD THEN THIS IS YOUR FESTIVAL B. OBVIOUSLY THEY HAVE A WHITE PEOPLE ACCESSIBLE RAPPER INVOLVED IN THIS SHIT. LIKE YOU'LL NEVER SEE CAPONE & NOREAGA PERFORMING "STICK YOU" AT BONNAROO B. JAY-Z WILL COME OUT AND DO "HARD KNOCK LIFE" AND "SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT" AND PROLLY A DOUBLE ENCORE OF "EMPIRE STATE OF MIND" BECAUSE IN ORDER FOR CAUCASIANS TO FUCK WITH YOUR MUSIC AS A RAPPER IT NEEDS TO BE APPROPRIATE FOR A CAR COMMERCIAL.



LILITH FAIR: THIS SHIT DON'T EXIST ANYMORE BUT IMA MAKE FUN OF IT ANYWAY CUZ IT'S WILD SLANDERABLE. YO LILITH FAIR WAS THE TYPE OF SHIT YOU GO TO IF YOU HAVEN'T HEARD FROM YOUR ENGLISH PROFESSOR FROM FRESHMAN YEAR AND YOU WANNA SEE WHAT SHE'S UP TO AND WHAT COLOR HER BIRKENSTOCKS IS (THEY BROWN)...THIS SHIT IS NAMED LILITH FAIR BECAUSE "LESBIAN MOM FEST" PROLLY AIN'T DO WELL IN FOCUS GROUPS. APPARENTLY THERE AIN'T ENOUGH LESBIAN MOMS IN THE UNITED STATES TO SELL TICKETS TO CUZ CARLY SIMON OLD GRAY PUSSY ASS SAW THE NUMBERS AND SMASHED HER FOOT WITH A HAMMER TO HAVE AN EXCUSE TO PULL OUT AND QUEEN LATIFAH TURNED DOWN A CHANCE TO BE SURROUNDED BY THOUSANDS OF ADORING VAGINA SUCKERS B SO YOU KNOW THIS SHIT WASN'T SHIT. WHEN QUEEN LATIFAH SAYS "NO I DO NOT WANT TO DO U.N.I.T.Y FOR A PACKED HOUSE OF MENOPAUSAL VAGINAS SUCH AS LIKE MYSELF" YOU KNOW THE TICKET SALES WAS WORSE THAN CHARLIE SHEEN'S "HELP ME OVERDOSE ON COCAINE" TOUR



WMC: YO WMC STANDS FOR "WINTER MUSIC CONFERENCE" WHICH MAKES IT SOUND LIKE SOME SERIOUS MUSICAL EVENT AND NOT WHAT IT ACTUALLY IS, WHICH IS NEW JERSEY MULTIPLIED BY 20 AND RELOCATED TO MIAMI. YO MY NIGGA, MIAMI TO GUIDOS IS LIKE MECCA B. NIGGAS BOW THEY HEADS IN THE DIRECTION OF MIAMI WHEN THEY BLOW DRY THEY HAIR B. NAHMEAN NIGGAS TANNING BEDS POINT IN THE CIRCUMFRENCE OF THE HOLY LAND B. YOU KNOW YOU ABOUT TO SEE GUIDO DJ'S BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS IN TANDEMS THAT SOUND LIKE A CONTRACTOR/DELI/CHEESE COMPANY NAME NAHMEAN LIKE "PROZULLI & TUTTI" OR "PIRELLI AND GENARO" OR SOME SHIT B. OR IT JUST BE ONE NIGGA WITH A WILD GUIDO'D OUT NAME LIKE "DOM CARMEFREDI" OR SOME SHIT. IT'S ILL THAT THESE NIGGAS MAKE WILD MONEY FLOWS MAKIN MUSIC THAT SOUNDS LIKE MY HOUSE PHONE RINGER WHEN THE BATTERY IS LOW. IF YOU WANT TO BE BOGGLED BY THE AMOUNT OF POORLY EXECUTED FAKE TITS AND THE THOUSANDS OF FLUID OUNCES OF ACQUA DI GIO THEN THIS IS WHERE YOU WANNA BE SLIME. YOU PROLLY WILL LEAVE WITH HERPES THOUGH. (DEFINITELY)


AIGHT YO SO THERE YOU HAVE IT. THAT'S MY TOTALLY UNINFORMED FACTS ABOUT MUSICAL FESTIVALS FOR NIGGAS LIKE SUCH AS MYSELF THAT DON'T GO TO MUSIC FESTIVALS. I LOVE Y'ALL PLEASE CONTINUE TO SUPPORT MY SHIT CUZ I'M STILL BROKE...AND BY SUPPORT I MEAN TELL EVERYONE YOU KNOW THAT I'M THE FUNNIEST NIGGA EVER B, USE PHRASES LIKE "ITS REALLY WITTY AND LIKE ANTI-INTELECTUALISM-INTELECTUALISM YOU KNOW?" AND SHIT LIKE THAT. NAHMEAN? AIGHT GOOD LOOKIN ALSO SEND ME MONEY VIA PAYPAL, HIT ME ON TWITTER AND ASK HOW YOU CAN DO THAT @THEKIDMERO...AND THE MERO MAILBAG IS AXEDAKID@YAHOO.COM

I'M OUT

#KNOWLEDGE